cocoon
by pappilon de lune
Summary: I'm a half. [ENG version-headcanon]


**cocoon**

**Kimetsu no Yaiba belong to Koyoharu Gotouge **

**I didn't take any advantage from this fic; just for fun**

**Warning: Headcanon | English Version | English Translator: Lena | Editor: UzumakiAni**

**.**

_I'm no longer a whole _

_I'm a half_

**.**

**i**

Kanae is right there. Waiting in front of my _dojo_, like she usually does. A sweet smile and a "Good morning, Shinazugawa-_kun_" in the morning is something I can't avoid. Her jet black hair radiates under the saturated sunlight. The butterflies accessories on her hair flip their wings a little as she nods her head. The mixed scent of melon and sakura tingles the nose. Her presence almost makes me swayed. I try to hold back. I hold back the urge to fall into her embrace. I don't want to show weakness in front of her. Even if I managed to convince my body, my heart doesn't want to cooperate.

"Can I come in? I bring some _ohagi_ for you." For a split second, I can't take my eyes away from your lips. I thought you were using something to make your thin lips as red as an apple, but I was wrong. Everything on you is naturally beautiful. "Shinazugawa-_kun__._" You tilted your head to the side a little. Blinking as you waited for my answer.

"I don't mind." I brushed my nose with the back of my hand. "But I'm a bit worn out today."

We are standing in front of the gate and I just came back from my demon hunting mission. I didn't get to have proper sleep in the past three days. I've had nightmares lately and it's as if my body was sinking to the hole. I need a rest. An actual rest. Not to mention I have this stinging feeling from the fresh wounds and gashes on my body since I only tended to them with barely decent treatment.

"I bring some _ohagi_." You said, repeating those words fast. "I made it myself. I want Shinazugawa-_kun_ to try it." She is still being persistent for me try the _ohagi_ despite already explaining my condition to her. However, I dont' mind that at all. In fact, I find it quite amusing. Her presence is never a bother afterall.

Once again, I pay attention to your lips who shines more because you lick it. It was only for a second but it makes my heart skips a beat. "Do whatever you like." I try to brush off the thumping in my heart. I open the gate to my estate and I can already feel your gleeful grin behind my back.

"I don't really know why, but I want to spend the day with Shinazugawa-_kun_ today." Her shoulder brushes my arm. "Shinobu said, that maybe ... I've fallen for you." I reflexively turn my head to see you. Our eyes meet for seven seconds. "Shinobu might just be joking, right?" You are smiling, again, with your eyes almost squinting. I decide to look away from you because my face feel warm for no reason.

**ii**

Kanae brew some green tea for both of us after ten minutes of arguing to decide who-should-prepare-the-tea. I lost so it's decided that Kanae will prepares the tea for us while I sit back and wait at the _tatami_ behind the pond. Maybe I lost to you on purpose. Because it makes my heart all fluttery watching your serious face, lost in thought brewing the tea for us. Every movement you make brings smile to my face.

"By the way, I also bring along some medicine you can take during your misison. I've blended some stuffs into an ointment you can use to treat infection." You start a light conversation while pouring some tea to the empty cup. "Shinobu was the one to come up with the idea. She said, this ointment is perfect for someone like you, Shinazugawa-_kun_." I can't help but laugh at the idea that these sisters often talk about me. It makes me happy to know Kanae is concerned for me.

I watch your slim and pale fingers as they unwrap the fabric with tulips motive covering a box inside. Upon opening the box, there are nine red balls placed neatly. They are all red beans _ohagi_, my favorite food. Kanae gestures at me with a smile to take the first bite.

"There were originally ten _ohagi _... but I gave one to a crying child I met on my way here."

I'm glad to hear that. You have always been kind afterall. I have no doubt of that. You are the first _H__ashira_ to try and get close to me after Himejima-_san_. Your sensitive and kind nature give sense of comfort to people around you, you taught me that. Even if in the end, I stay true to myself, you never stop showing me the beauty in this darkness. Without realizing, I say something that's not really my nature.

"Kanae-_san_, starting from tomorrow, you don't have to wait for me in front of the gate." I say as I glance at your face, full of anticipation for my next words. "Just wait for me inside the _dojo_."

A gentle breeze lightly moves your butterfly hairpins. A dry leaf falls on top of your head. I take it without permission, out of reflex. Your eyes widen but you're smiling in the next second. Your cheek reddens as I gently stroke your smooth hair. Deep inside, I want to repeat those actions, but i'm afraid that you might hate it. I never once give a damn whether people like me or not. But you are different. I don't want you to put a distance and go away as soon as the lifespan of a butterfly. You're special to me.

"Kanae-_san_, I like your hair." I was surprised when I heard your voice and immediately stop caressing her hair. "You should have said that to make a woman happy, Shinazugawa-_kun_." Instead of continuing my movent, I retract my hand from her hair and balled them into a fist on top of my knee.

You pulled the edge of your lips from side to side. Your eyes shines from reflecting the sunlight. I'll make sure to burn this moment deep into my mind. The moment where the passion of youth flares within me. I want to close the gap between us, weave my fingers with yours and and put my cold lips on yours. I want to know how it feels. Will it tastes like honey or maybe peach? I want to know. It's not even enough to just feel the silkiness of your hair once. I want to caress your hair for as many times as possible, so you'll never forget this dirty hand of mine that'll ruin you someday. You are afterall the beauty in this crude life of mine.

"Shinazugawa-_kun_?" You softly call my name.

That gentle voice snaps me out of my inappropriate fantasy. I feel like, I can hear the thumping of my heart. Kanae scent filled the entire room. While I still try to recollect myself you put on that sweet smile again. I lost count at how many times you have smiled at me today.

"Kanae-_san _... "

I only watch as you smile sweetly. Too sweet even. Like a once in a lifetime prize. Perhaps this is just a hunch but I feel like, I have failed to be of use for Kanae. Kochou Kanae.

_That smile of yours along with the tinge of red on your cheek on that day are the thing __I__ long for the most. _

**iii**

The next day, you are not in front of my gate, my terrace, and my living room. You are nowhere in any corner of my _dojo_. A black crow guides me to your resident. I want to ask Shinobu your whereabout. Shinobu said, you reside in my heart, in hers, and in the heart of everyone who knows you. She said, you'll grow within me as the time passed. Blooming like the hydrangea nearby my pond. Kanae, do you ever need the wind?

_M__aybe ... __I'__ve fallen for you__._

It might be possible for you, but not me. I may have fallen for you, Kanae. Ever since you left, I feel like I've been living inside of a cocoon. I'm afraid of coming out of this feeling, I have for you. Because I'm no longer a whole. My wings are halved. You took half of it. I let you took it from me, so my feeling will always wraps you in a warm embrace wherever you are now.

_Good night and sleep well, my beloved Kanae. _

**[Fin]**

_There lies another life out there where we can be happy_

_You nodded along_

_And so do __I__, so __I__ take you there_


End file.
